Castro Update

Cuba:

Happy Birthday, Maximum Leader.

Castro:

BRRAAAAIIIIINNNNSSSSS!

Alexander Solzhenitsyn (1918-2008)

Alexander Solzhenitsyn, the Russian Nobel laureate author who demonstrated that truth is to tyrants as penicillin is to syphilis, has passed on at the age of 89.

Rest well, sir.

Castro Live–Sort of

Castro gives his first television appearance since dying ceding power.

The soundtrack is silent because most of his dialogue consists of "BRRRAAAAIIIINNNNNSSSS!!!!!"

Health Care Cuba

Raul Castro: "Free sex change operations"

Fidel Castro; 'BRAAAAIIIIIINNNNSSSS!!!"

Abu Obaida al-Masri RIP

Abu Obaida al-Masri, Al Qaeda's senior planner in Afghanistan is dead. To sum up:

RESULT!

Sir Arthur C. Clarke: 1917 - 2008

Sir Arthur C. Clarke has passed on.

Raul Castro "Selected"

Raul Castro has won the power struggle been unanimously "selected" leader of Cuba.

Now his brother can "die" happy.

Tyrant "Retires"

"Castro" has announced his retirement.

Given that he has done so in a letter, it looks as if we're back to square one. Is that retired as in ill health, or retired as in on ice until it's convenient to announce his "death"?

RESULT!

Senior Al Qaeda leader in Afghanistan, Abu Laith al-Libi has been reported killed in Afghanistan.

I Don't Want To Go On The Cart

According to the news sources, this video proves that Fidel Castro hasn't popped his clogs yet.

My Spanish isn't up to it and I haven't seen a translation of the old gasbag's interview, so I've no way to judge whether it's authentic or not, but since no one with better linguistic skills than I have has denounced it, I can only assume that the Earth is still heavier by the weight of one tyrant.

Still, I can't help feeling that the tone of the video was rather similar to this:

Marcel Marceau: 1923-2007

Marcel Marceau has passed away at the age of 84.

He's to be buried in an invisible box.

A Matter of Tenses

Reuters headline:

Cuban officials say Castro not dying

For once, I have no doubt they're speaking the truth.

Scooby Doo, Call Your Service

Cuban Foreign Minister Felipe Perez Roque says that Fidel Castro is in "permanent" contact with leaders of the Communist party and the government.

Translation: Run for your lives, the Havana Capitol Building is haunted.

Update: Maximum Leader's condition may be "stable", but the rumours about his death are alive and kicking.

Maybe When They Finally Bury Him...

BBC headline:

Fidel absent as Cuba celebrates

Would it were so!

Appetite Killer

From the AP:

Convalescing Fidel Castro said in an essay Tuesday that he has been so engrossed with Cuba's performance at the Pan American Games in Brazil that he forgets to eat and take his medicine.

That and "convalescing" in a meat locker will do that.

Death, Lies & Videotape

Fidel Castro appeared in a taped interview on Cuban television, where he discussed world events-- from 1973.

The interview was taped on Monday. Which Monday is left to viewer's interpretation

The Train That Never Arrives

From the BBC:

Castro almost 'fully recovered'

Is that like "mostly dead?"

Castro: Still "Stable"

Headline from the AP:

Castro says he's better, weight stable

The weight of the turkey in my deep freeze is "stable" for similar reasons.

Astute Observations from Beyond

"Fidel Castro," whose "best health care in the world" involves the common folk scrounging for Pepto-Bismol and aspirin on the black market while the party elite and foreign tourists enjoy special clinics, has criticised the British, saying that the price of the new Astute-class submarines would train 75,000 doctors.

Quite right. And if we didn't have the submarines we could employ all those doctors to patch up all the people maimed by the likes of Castro as they run rough-shod over the world.

Don't you have some mouldering to get on with, old boy?

Star Trek Meets Lost in Space

I shot a Scotsman into the air,
He fell to Earth,
I know not where.

Wally Schirra 1923 - 2007

Wally Schirra, one of the original Mercury 7 astronauts and commander of the Apollo 7 mission has died at the age of 84.

Godspeed, Captain.

Also Stable?

Abu Ayyub al-Masri, the leader of Al Qaeda in Iraq, is reported dead in a fire fight with rival Jihadists.

Until it is confirmed that Abu is sharing a pew with Castro in a very warm spot, I'm holding off on the celebrations.

Fun Fact from GlobalSecurity.org:

He probably came into Iraq in 2002, before Zarqawi's arrival, and may have helped establish the first al-Qaeda cell in the Baghdad area.

But Iraq had nothing to do with Al Qaeda and is just a distraction from the "real" war.

Castro, Still Stable

From the BBC:

Castro fails to appear on May Day

So did Franco.

Castro: Still Recovering

Castro just keeps getting better and better. According to fellow despot Hugo Chavez, Castro is "almost totally recovered."

At this rate, he'll soon be as "recovered" as Yasser Arafat.

Postings From Beyond

From the AP:

Castro publishes article criticizing U.S. on environment

It must have been hell dictating that by ouija board.

Still Chilling

In a turn of events that surprises no one, Fidel Castro was unable to attend a military parade in his honour because of his being dead prolonged illness.