Poop Power

The Dutch breaks ground on a 36.5 megawatt power plant that runs on chicken poop.

Now watch them do something typically daft and ban chicken farming.

Minke & Chips, Please

Whale steak; back on the menu in Norway. It's lean, healthy, and really cheeses off Greenpeace.

What's not to love?

PETA Appeasement

Predictable: PETA demands that the bearskin hats worn by the guards at Buckingham Palace be replaced with synthetic fur.

Insanity: New Labour gives legitimacy to this load of anti-human fanatics by actually meeting with them.

I can only hope it was over lunch at a BBQ rib place.

Bat-Trauma

Save the Planet™; kill a bat.

I'll Have The Penne Alla Arrabiata

Only from the halls of academe can you find this sort of inverted logic: Can't run your cafeteria properly? Are your clean up operations inefficient? Then show your contempt for the students by banning trays.

It's all their fault for not worshiping Blessed Gaia enough and they eat too much anyway.

Green Bricks

The Dutch are testing a rather novel idea; concrete bricks that catalyse nitrogen oxide into nitrates. If it works, this could be just the sort of green technology that will a) solve a problem elegantly and b) give the environmentalists fits because it doesn't involve scolding people about their wicked ways and demanding hair shirts for all.

Fly Air Lamborghini

An Arab Sheikh shipped his Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 from Qatar to London for an oil check that cost him £23,552. In response to this, Jenny Evans of something called "Plane Stupid" said,

This horrifies me. It is another example of how rich people exploit and pollute the planet because of their money.

So the Sheikh got his oil changed and cheesed of a load of muesli munchers with too much time on their hands; a perfect score, I think.

Give or Take a Few Days

BBC headline:

'100 months to save the planet'

I'll start believing this Tommy when it's followed by "So screw the polar bears, the pandas and the whales. We're talking survival and we need to build 50,000 nuclear power plants NOW!"

Outquisition.

Yesterday I came across something called the "Outquisition", which has a unique take on how to handle the collapse of Western civilisation that doesn't involve holing up with a three dozen cases of baked beans and a shotgun. So, what does it involve? Rebuilding the industrial base? Protecting the transportation and communications infrastructure? Industrial-scale power plants? Restoring harvests to pre-catastrophe levels? Maintaining government continuity?

Nope. Something a bit more along the lines of red-state city folk riding to the rescue of their rural and rust state brethren.

What would it be like, we wondered, if folks who knew tools and innovation left the comfy bright green cities and traveled to the dead mall suburban slums, rustbelt browntowns and climate-smacked farm communities and started helping the locals get the tools they needed. We imagined that it would need an almost missionary fervor, something like the Inquisition (which largely destroyed knowledge) in reverse, a crusade of open sharing, or as Cory promptly dubbed it, the Outquisition.

Imagine these folks like this passing out free textbooks, running holistic programs for kids, creating local knowledge management systems, launching microfinance projects, mobilebanking and complementary currencies. Helping rural landowners apply climate foresight and farm biodiversity. Building cheap, smart, quality housing for displaced people (not to mention better refugee camps), or an Open Architecture Network for cheap informal rehabs of run-down suburban housing. Hacking together DIY windmills and ad hoc smart grids, communication systems, water treatment systems -- and getting really good atadaptive reuses of outdated infrastructure. In other words, these folks would be redistributing the future at a furious clip.

This comes under the heading of Ideas That Need To Cook A Bit Longer. Leaving aside how useful microfinancing and knowledge management systems will be in the face of the apocalypse, it seems as if the authors of Outquisition have a less than realistic picture of who is going to need whose help if civilisation goes up the spout. I've lived in both city and country and I can state quite firmly that in a rebuilding society scenario I'd much rather be in the country as I am now. At the moment, all things being equal, I could ride out the Fall for a good two months before it became anything more than an inconvienience and if I had enough notice I could stretch that to indefinitely–especially if the locals made a pact with the farmers and the small industrial estates that relocated outside the city limits.

If anything, the last thing we'd expect from the city would be missionaries intent on redistributing the future. More likely it would be cold, starving hordes wanting to redistribute my larder. Ever been in the city when the basic services get knocked out by an earthquake or some other disaster? A couple of years ago a windstorm blasted through the vicinity of Chez Szondy and the worst that happened was that a lot of people had to go without store-bought bread for a fortnight while they fell back on generators and woodstoves to keep light and warmth while the roads were cleared and power lines repaired. A city, however, relies on a massive influx of goods on a daily basis just to feed itself. Stop deliveries for a day and the grocery shelves are empty. Stop them for a week and you have riots on your hands. Holistic programmes for kids don't do you much good in that situation. You need the Army and a brigade of engineers to make sure the would-be missionaries don't face the question of whether they starve to death before typhoid sets in.

"Comfy, green cities", my eye.

Loop

The Loop is an all-in-one piece of kitchen furniture. Just add food scraps to it and it provides manure for a nice little kitchen garden, methane to power the appliances, and even a comfy seat.

Having planted kitchen gardens, tended compost heaps, fooled about with methane technology, and sat in the odd chair, I'd say that some disappointment is to expected on all fronts.

When Blessed Gaia Attacks

Headline from Pravda:

Earth begins to kill people for changing its climate

I think someone has been working too hard and needs a little lie down.

James Hansen: Ecocommissar

Motoring in Airstrip One

Welcome to Mr. Gordon Brown ectopian towns. All Outer Party members are informed that all (temporarily) private motor cars must be parked on the periphery of the town, that a fee will be charged for this space, driving during peak hours will result in further charges, and that if you drive out of town you will be fined.

Remember, Freedom is Slavery.

Call of the Manbearpig

Global warming? A new ice age? We know where the real threat lies.

I'm totally cereal.

Le Hamster Français

Ah, the European Commission; a selfless body dedicated to promoting free trade and peaceful understanding between sovereign nations–unless you refuse to follow its diktats to the letter regarding hamster preservation, in which case they'll come down on you like a bag of hammers.

Lord Summerisle, Call Your Service

The Bishop of Stratford places global-warming "deniers" on the same moral plane as Austrian child-abusers who commit kidnapping and rape of their own families over a period of decades.

Good to see that the church is getting away from all that gospel of Christ nonsense in favour of some good old fashioned worship of Blessed Gaia.

Carbon Cards

The Environmental Audit Committee has recommended that everyone in Britain be issued with a "carbon credit card" so that that Outer Party members can be more effectively controlled the country's carbon emissions can be reduced and help Britain worship Blessed Gaia Save the Planet^tm.

Treating carbon dioxide as a pollutant is a totalitarian's dream. Since carbon dioxide is involved in every from of combustion imaginable, it is theoretically possible to ration, tax and regulate everything up to and including breathing.

The shade of Stalin must be kicking himself for not thinking of it.

Gussie Fink-Nottle, Call Your Service

Leicestershire County Council blew £1 million delaying the construction of an overpass to protect a colony of rare crested newts.

Trouble was, no newts.

Leicestershire County Council last seen walking away slowly while looking up at the sky and whistling.

Oiling the Andrew

The Royal Navy is running tests to see how well their ships operate using biodiesel.

A beautiful example of Whitehall logic: The most sophisticated warships in the world and the MOD wants to run them on salad dressing.

Moral Posturing, Real Consequences

New Zealand provides us with an object lesson on the real cost of playing King Canute in the service of Blessed Gaia Saving the Planet^TM.

New Zealand produces about 0.2 per cent of the world’s man-made production of CO2. Even if NZ totally eliminated CO2 emissions, the difference would be to reduce the annual rate of increase in the atmosphere by 0.2 per cent of 1.5ppm, equalling 0.003ppm which equals 3 parts per billion. This of course is a far lower amount than can even be detected.

Are we seriously going to shatter our economy, restrict ourselves to a fragile electricity system, cost every family in the land $1000 to $1500 per year in electricity expenses alone, seriously damage our agriculture industry, etc. by trying to reduce New Zealand’s minuscule CO2 contribution?

But it’s worse than that. The Government’s stated goal is to reduce our CO2 emissions by 20 per cent. So if we were to succeed in this, and thereby reduce New Zealand’s 3 parts per billion contribution to 20 per cent of this figure, the reduction in global CO2 arising from our action would amount to 0.6 parts per billion per year.

Short version: Even if we accept all the premises of the worshipers of Blessed Gaia global warming activists, it's a lot of suffering for absolutely nothing.

Tip o' the hat to Tim Blair.

Polar Wave Horror

Global warming too tame for you? How about gigantic tidal waves tearing the oceans from their beds as the ice caps throw the Earth off balance.

I particularly like the author of this theory's solution: Nuke the Antarctic!

Al Gore: Virtual Housegueat

For the eco-obsessive compulsive, there is now the Manodo Display, which allows you to track your so-called carbon footprint in insane detail. According to EcoGeek, who apparently approves of this thing,

Imagine having Al Gore living in your house reminding you each time you forget to turn off the lights!

Like something out of an H P Lovecraft story, I can imagine it. But then I have to eat some smoked salmon to calm myself down.

Mind you, knowing Al Gore's habits, he'd probably leave on all the lights himself, use up all the hot water and crank up the AC to maximum, so Mandoo Display may be a tad counterproductive.

Cultural Suicide Part XIII

The Swiss government has a bit in its new constitution about the "dignity of plants" that makes PETA look like a barbeque rib restaurant chain.

Stand by for picking flowers to be declared a crime against... I honestly have no idea.

God's Own Cutlery

Save the Planet^tm; use a spork!

PETA Prize

PETA is offering a $1 million prize for the first scientist to come up with marketable vat-grown meat by 2012.

Hopefully this will come off better than their previous Soylent Green Cook-Off.

Grassoline

Al Fin looks at a new process for converting biomass cellulose into petrol (gasoline to you colonials).

Unfortunately, this conversion of grass to gas doesn't involve forcing the peasants people to wear hair shirts or submit to social engineering, so don't expect the environmentalists to fall all over themselves to back this.

Eco-Colonialism

Lord Summerisle explaining to the Papuans why they can't have running water.

West Papua, where environmentalists act more like missionaries of the Cult of Gaia.

Dangerous Myth

If you want to see why the cult of global warming is more a destructive myth rather than "better safe than sorry" prudence, then just pop down to Norfolk.

Believing that it is impossible to defend against the huge rises in sea levels predicted by the high priests of global warming, the British government has decided to abandon all efforts to maintain sea defences in the county. The result? Six villages will be lost to flooding inside the next hundred years whether the waters rise or not. Amazingly, this is presented as being necessary on the grounds of economy by a government that never saw a rat hole it couldn't resist trying to fill.

The truly frightening thing is that what is happening in Norfolk is a microcosm of what will happen in Africa and other impoverished parts of the world. The chattering classes of the West busy themselves convincing their governments to spend potentially trillions of dollars to try to offset Al Gore's energy consumption and slow the pace of a global warming trend that may not even be happening by a a mere one or two years. Meanwhile, vital efforts to provide clean drinking water, improve sanitation, increase crop yields, combat malaria and generally improve the standard of living get overlooked, declared as hopeless or discounted as unimportant because it is far more important to face the greatest threat the world has ever seen and Save the Planet^tm.

Doubtless when the waters flow through the high streets in Norfolk it will be chalked up by the faithful as another sin of man against Blessed Gaia, but the rest of us will remind them of what a self-fulfilling prophecy is.

Update: At least there is balance in the Force.

Earth Hour

It' s Earth Hour today at 8:00 PM Zulu Time, when we are all exhorted to turn off our lights for an hour to worship Blessed Gaia Save the Planet^tm.

Naturally, Chez Szondy will be participating. How? Let me put this way: If you're popping over for a visit, I recommend wearing one of these.


Update: Ha!

Bjørn Lomborg, Call Your Service

Introducing the "non-skeptic heretic club", whose message is, "Okay, we'll give you global warming, but don't you think it's better to spend a small amount of money on damage mitigation rather than sacrificing the entire civilised world on the altar of Blessed Gaia in a pointless effort at pulling a global King Canute?"

Lord Summerisle was unavailable for comment.

Jeremy Clarkson, Call Your Service

Lord Summerisle at the eco-town groundbreaking ceremony

In an effort to combat global warming and (all together now!) Save the Planet^tm, the British government is planning 15 "eco-towns" with a speed limit of 15 mph on the major roads.

And it gets better:

Under the plans, the central areas of the new towns would be pedestrianised, with the 15mph limit introduced on "key roads" into the centre. All homes would be built within 400 yards of public transport stop and 800 yards from shops.

The government thinks that these sort of draconian measures will make people "abandon their cars", though it is more likely that they'll abandon the foul little eco-towns to self-righteous Gaia worshipers and people on the dole who are too poor or shiftless to move anywhere else.

Still, it is an impressive achievement: from new town to slum in one go.

Wanted: Editor

Plastic bags: Environmental menace or typo victim?

Recycled Truth

Head swimming with trying to worship Blessed Gaia follow the government's draconian recycling laws?

Turns out you needn't have bothered, as hundreds of thousands of tons of it end up on the tip anyway.

As I've said, if something is really worth recycling, private businesses would be buying it from you rather than the local council charging to have it hauled away.

Plastic PM

Having found Islamofascism, drunken hooliganism, violent crime, illegal immigration, decaying public services, a starved military and the British public's loathing of the EU too much to handle, Mr. Gordon Brown has found an issue he can bring the iron fist down on: plastic bags.

I want to make it clear that if government compulsion is needed to make the change, we will take the necessary steps.

Good Lord. Less than a year in office and Mr. Brown has revealed himself in one sentence as a cross between Vladimir Putin and Jimmy Carter.

E-Day Update

E-Day, an "independent operation" (even though started and backed to the hilt by the BBC) , has proven a complete bust. Designed to sell people on the idea of returning to mud huts and peasantry, the end result was that electricity consumption actually went up on the day.

The BBC has relegated the embarassment to the back pages of its web site and is now faced with trying to wrap its collective mind around the fact that the British people aren't a load of dupes after all. Meanwhile, Dr. Matt Prescott, the alleged brains behind E-Day said,

I will do my best to learn the relevant lessons for next time.

The relevant lesson being that there shouldn't be a next time.

Update: This just keeps getting better:

E-Day organiser Dr Matt Prescott said the drop in temperature on the day may be behind the rise, with more people leaving lights and heating on as a result.

Yes! A stunt to worship at the altar of Blessed Gaia combat global warming is defeated by global cooling!

Well, Done, Britain!

Lord Summerisle celebrates E-Day

After the BBC was rightly given the bird for trying to mount a Luddite propaganda rally called Planet Relief, the corporation decided to become more responsible and, along with the usual environmentalist suspects and electricity companies fearing bad publicity, mounted a Luddite propaganda rally called Energy Saving Day or E-Day.

As part of this create-the-news-rather-than-report-it affair, the BBC posted a running meter on their web site that would show how much Britons are helping to return to the Dark Ages Save the Planet^tm by cutting back on electricity on The Day and...

Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Water on the Brain

Having established that it has absolute control over the Outer Party members and proles by making tobacco, fatty foods and God knows what else double-plus ungood, the British government will now extends its dead hand over the counterrevolutionary evil of bottled water-- at least, if the Thoughtpoliceman natural resource commissioner has his way:

We have to make people think that it's unfashionable just as we have with smoking. We need a similar campaign to convince people that this is wrong.

And the environment minister chimes in his support, saying that the bourgeois menace of bottled water:

(B)orders on being morally unacceptable.

Expect to soon see Emmanuel Goldstein holding up a bottle Evian at the Two Minute Hate.

Lights Out

In a brilliant piece of counterproductive thinking, the Ministry of Plenty British government plans to turn off street lamps in suburban areas to placate the wrath of Blessed Gaia save energy and reduce carbon emissions. Stumbling about in the dark will be something that Outer Party members and proles will just have to learn to live with.

Welcome to the 17^th century.