Labour Sinking

Labour has come in fifth in the Henley by-election–behind both the Greens and the BNP.

Anyone who knows the lyrics to "Nearer my God to thee" is requested to ring Labour headquarters.

Into Airstrip One, Probably

Labour's new slogan is "Strength to Change Britain."

The question is, into what, Mr. Brown? Into what?

Out With The New, In With The Old

New Labour 1994 - 2007 RIP

Tony Blair's political corpse hadn't even minutes to cool before his party dumped the phrase "New Labour" like a live hand grenade and returned to the old red rose logo.

This may herald a revival of the giddy idiocies of Old Labour, but given Mr. Blair's unquestioning fascination with modernity and all that mischief it's caused, the move still has a certain natural justice to it.

Sledgehammer Law

Young hoodlums illegally driving mini-motos keep honest citizens awake. Do you:

1. Call for stricter enforcement of the law prohibiting such machines on the road.
2. Demand special licences for owning and operating them.
3. Introduce legislation so asinine and draconian that it would effectively outlaw all motorbikes everywhere, even in museums and private collections.

If you said 3, congratulations! You are now the Labour MP for Manchester Blackley!

And Now We Are Three

Good News: New Labour plans to keep the nuclear detterent force. Bad news: It's going to be with three submarines instead of four with only 150 warheads.

To paraphrase Bilbo Baggins, it's a bit thin, like butter spread over too much bread.