Minke & Chips, Please

Whale steak; back on the menu in Norway. It's lean, healthy, and really cheeses off Greenpeace.

What's not to love?

Penal Priorities

Meanwhile, the Norwegians, in an effort to Save the Planet^TM, have a "green" prison that strives to take drug smugglers, fraudsters, rapists and murderers and turn them into environmentally conscious drug smugglers, fraudsters, rapists and murderers.

And what if one of these drug smugglers, fraudsters, rapists or murderers should flee the reeducation camp prison? Then the governor will leap into action-- and sit by the phone.

We tell all the prisoners that if they escape, they must telephone to let us know they've made it safely to the mainland.

Go ahead and rape, pillage and burn, lads, but don't forget to ring home so we don't fret.

Devils Island has nothing on this place.

The Moose and Mao

What do Norwegian moose and Chinamen* have in common? By the logic of the Chinese Communists, who regard their subjects as more pawns than people, they are both the cause of global warming and must be eradicated at all costs.

As for Chinese moose, I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

*Yes, I know this is politically incorrect, but since I am un-PC and vehemently opposed to Newspeak in all its forms, I prefer to side with proper grammar and unambiguity.

Bullwinkle Must Die!

The Norwegians have discovered the true cause of global warming: Moose farts.

Get out the rifle, Olaf. We've got to Save the Planet^TM.

Cold Comfort

In a remarkable example of confused priorities, the Norwegian government has unveiled the final design of a doomsday vault deep in the arctic to protect three million seed samples from any disaster up to and including a major asteroid strike.

At last we can take comfort in the fact that though our civilisation may become one with Nineveh and Tyre and the human race extinct as all our yesterdays, our begonias will go on forever.