Night of the Living Dead Microbes

We're not using the "Z" word!

Magnetic Movie

Magnetic Movie from Semiconductor on Vimeo.
You mean the rest of you can't see this too?

The Sound of a St. Paul's Cathedral Jelly

Now they're just messing about.

Cow Farts

Scientists in Germany are strapping balloons to the back of cows to collect their farts.

Ever since they found that cure for cancer they've had way too much time on their hands.

Prince Rupert's Drops

If you've never encountered one of these, you've led an impoverished life. We used to play with these ordinary-looking glass drops at university. They're so strong that you can pound them with a hammer, but don't snap their tails or you're in for an explosive surprise.

Supermosquito

News out of Britain courtesy of National Geographic:

U.K. scientists are genetically modifying mosquitoes to be resistant to malaria, which kills millions annually.

Kills millions annually and these poxy scientists have a problem with that? My God, what sort of... Oh. I thought they meant millions of mosquitoes annually. My apologies.

Solar Power Outage

The Sun is supposed to be entering a new phase of activity, but is two years late. According to Saku Tsuneta with the National Astronomical Observatory of Japan,

It continues to be dead,. It's a small concern, a very small concern.

Um... I've got some jumper cables, if that's any help.

Sheep Farts

New Zealand scientists find cure for sheep flatulence.

We asked for one for cancer, but this will have to do.

Hillbilly Science

Australian scientists proclaim that it's okay for first cousins to procreate.

This is why we don't let scientists decide issues of morality.

Panda Power

What's with the panda in the garden, David?

Well, I heard they were really good at predicting earthquakes and... Okay, maybe it wasn't that great an idea.

Future Man

Overlooking the fact that science is meant to serve man and not the opposite, Prof. John Harris discusses bioengineering and the future of man, which includes this little insight that doesn't even blink at the thought of replacing mankind with creatures out an Olaf Stapledon novel:

Some of these possibilities are so radical that the creatures benefiting from them would no longer be “human”, in the way we think of it. The end of humanity then is not in itself a concern; making sure that those who replace us are better than we are is a huge and timely concern.

When a professor of bioethics talks like this, it makes the most bloodstained Druid look like a humanitarian in comparison.

Atomic Earth

Scientists suspect that the Earth's core is a giant nuclear reactor.

Greenpeace demands immediate shutdown of planet.

X-Microbe

Just when you thought that Avian Flu thing was over and done with, we now have something new to panic about: Radioactive bacteria.

Godzilla was unavailable for comment.

Grassoline

Al Fin looks at a new process for converting biomass cellulose into petrol (gasoline to you colonials).

Unfortunately, this conversion of grass to gas doesn't involve forcing the peasants people to wear hair shirts or submit to social engineering, so don't expect the environmentalists to fall all over themselves to back this.

Hypercube

Think once. Think twice Think: Don't muck about with the fourth dimension.

Global Warming-- Eventually

It's official: The Sun is going to swallow the Earth.

We only have 7.6 billion years, so get your affairs in order while you can.

Onion Non-Sob Story

Scientists in New Zealand and Japan have created the world's first tear-free onion.

Do we have the right to play God?

Got Carrot?

Scientists at the Baylor College of Medicine in Texas have developed a GM carrot with the nutritional value of milk and cheese.

The front runner in the arse-backward thinking award has just been found.

Factory Reconditioned

Scientists at the University of Minnesota have succeeded in using stem cells to "refurbish" a dead heart; making it fit to start beating again.

Baron Victor Frankenstein was unavailable for comment.

When Worlds Collide

A giant cloud of hydrogen gas is about to collide with our galaxy.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In 40 million years.

Never mind. Carry on.

A Matter of Scale

Putting things into perspective.

Elementary

New York Times headline:

The Giant Rat of Sumatra, Alive and Well

Doctor Watson was unavailable for comment.

Evolving News

BBC headline:

Human evolution is 'speeding up'

Prof. Xavier was unavailable for comment.

A Parable for Our Times

Scientists at the University of Tokyo have bred a mouse with no innate fear of cats.

Stand by for a startling jump in kitty obesity.

Peter Cushing, Call Your Service

Scientists at the J Craig Venter Institute in the United States claim that they are on the verge of creating life.

Oh, this should end well!

Fatty Cascade

The Great British Fry-Up: heart attack on a plate or victim of a modern scientific superstition?

An object lesson in what happens when an untested hypothesis is blindly acccepted when it serves the ends of those who believe they have a "Science-given" right to control the lives of others.

Consensus is a Passing Fad

Looks like it's global warming day at Ephemeral Isle. But at least the debate is over and there's scientific consensus on the topic.

Or is there?

Pointing Out the Bleeding Obvious

In a massive waste of funding, scientists have discovered that girls prefer pink.

For the price of a packet of Skittles they could have spent an hour with my five-year old daughter and figured that out in no time.

We're All... Oh, Never Mind

God?

Dr. "Nick" Bostrom of Oxford University has come to the conclusion that "it is almost a mathematical certainty" that we are merely the constructs of some elaborate computer simulation-- or even a simulation inside a simulation inside a simulation and on and on like a set of Russian cyberdolls.

Perhaps, but like the materialist's idea that all reason and consciousness is merely the result of pointless chemical reactions, I can't help but wonder why, if he believes this to be true, Dr. Bostrom bothers to tell anyone.

Vomit Torch

Intelligent Optical Systems, Inc, under a contract for the United States Department of Homeland Security, has developed a torch that causes anyone who looks at it to suffer "disorientation, nausea and even vomiting".

The technical details of how the device works are classified, but our sources claim that highly compressed video clips from The Girls Next Door may be involved.

The Incredible Shrinking Earth

First Pluto, now this. Pretty soon we won't have a solar system left.

Soma, Anyone?

US and Canadian scientists have come up with a drug that suppresses bad memories.

Great. One dose of that and I'd be a drooling idiot.

Postcards From The Edge

For some unexplained reason, Swedish scientists have developed talking paper.

Great, that's all I need; chatty postcards

Eldon Tyrell, Call Your Service

From Newsweek:

Scientists in the last couple of years have been trying to create novel forms of life from scratch. They've forged chemicals into synthetic DNA, the DNA into genes, genes into genomes, and built the molecular machinery of completely new organisms in the lab—organisms that are nothing like anything nature has produced.

What could possibly be wrong with that, Mr Deckard?

Upright Thinking

British scientists claim that man's ancestors began walking upright because of the need to navigate nimbly in treetops ala orangutans.

Perhaps, but I still subscribe to the theory that early man had to start walking on his hind legs because he lacked trousers and therefore had to have his hands free to carry his wallet and keys.

KHHHHAAAANNN!!!!

Curiously enough, though he didn't know it, he was also a direct male-line descendent of Genghis Khan, though intervening generations and racial mixing had so juggled his genes that he had no discernible Mongoloid characteristics, and the only vestiges left in Mr. L. Prosser of his mighty ancestry were a pronounced stoutness about the tum and a predilection for little fur hats.

Douglas Adams: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Are you of similar girth and taste? Wonder no longer, as scientists can test whether you too are a descendant of Temüjin.

Now maybe they can get on with that cancer cure.

Behind the Curve

From Sci Fi Tech:

Scientists working on device that puts you to sleep

We've had one in our house for decades and it does the job very well-- especially if you tune into the reality shows.

Designer Dystopia

Mark Henederson has a very good corrective in the Times about the fear of designer babies that is both reassuring and frightening because Mr. Henderson misses one very important point (emphasis added).

It is easy, though, to get carried away by cliché. Talk of designer babies, slippery slopes and brave new worlds adds little to constructive debate about PGD (Pre-implantion Genetiuc Diagnosis), because its dystopian potential is firmly limited by science.

This is very true, as far as it goes. Human genetic engineering is actually far more difficult and problematic than popular science would lead one to believe and the prospects of a Huxleyesque Brave New World are remote. Human beings aren't as genetically variable as other species, they are very difficult to engineer, take a very long time to reproduce, and stakes of even a single failure are so high that anything like a true eugenics programme would require a dictatorship of phenomenal reach, dedication and longevity. As Mr. Henderson says, we are not heading for a Gattaca situation of genetic Übermensch lording it over the rest.

Or are we? Even though it had Ethan Hawke starring in it and the painful presence of Gore Vidal in a supporting role, I found the scenario presented in Gattaca to be a compelling one; not because it depicted a world of godlike beings, but because it presented exactly the opposite. The "Valids" of Gattaca, as the genetically-engineered upper class were called, may have been carefully screened for things like heart disease or myopia, but the story made it clear that they were in no way supermen. They were merely treated as if they were. And in an oligarchy that is more than enough, as a brief glance at any Communist state will show.

In other words, it isn't a matter of true genetics, but of false aristocracy. The danger is that designer babies have the potential of being regarded as separate from the rest of humanity by way of their origins. They may not be Übermensch or Untermensch, but they could end up being seen as such regardless. From there, the slippery slope leads to caste, prejudice and a racial barrier more permanent than anything marked by skin colour. Whether the designed lord over us as Alphas to our Gammas or vice versa is immaterial. The damage will have been done.

Perhaps Brave New World isn't so far off after all.

Priorities III

Scientists have come up with the mathematical formula for the perfect head on a pint of beer.

Cancer cure any day now.

Germs

Germs come from Germany

Modulate the Paramagnetic Subspace Field

Better days in three words: Flying leg kick

Science chases Star Trek for no very good reason. First it was cloaking devices, then it was teleportation, now it's deflector shields.

Brace yourselves, because blinkered half-baked utopianism, long-winded pretentious speeches, annoying know-it-all brats, soppy "counselors," slap-happy Ferengi, Renaissance Faire pirate Klingons and plots that sit there like week-old rice pudding until the last ten minutes of the episode cannot be far behind.

Maths

Have your copy book ready.

Learn Something New Every Day

From LiveScience.com:

Study Reveals How Drunken Bats Sober Up

Bats go on benders?

Robin unavailable for comment

Science Marches on!

Glow in the dark bunnies.

Elmer Fudd unavailable for comment.

Gambling News

150 "scientists and intellectuals" predict an end to religion and war in twenty five years.

They also predict that I'll be a Chinese jet pilot.